Graphic by Aly Marie
Some of you who know me know I have been through a lot in the past few years. I have been through things that I would not wish on my worst enemy, such as the passing of my lovely mother and going through the motions with my sister of selling our childhood house.
I never let on that my troubles bothered me so much; trying to be strong, but these things have made me numb - not just physically but mentally - which I have let put a pause on my life: present and future. This may all seem super heavy and daunting; I have bottled many of these things up but I have decided to write about my troubles, an eye opener to myself, and hopefully to all of you.
You see, last month I had a huge medical scare that would have turned my life upside down, sideways, and twisted everybody's life around me in knots. If tests came back positive, I would have had to pack up my life in California, move home (not that that's a bad thing... I love my home), and put my dreams on hold. I wasn't scared for myself, I was scared for my family, feeling guilty they would have to go through such a horrible thing. All this seems terrible but these are the things I would have had to consider had things took a turn for the worse... but they didn't.
After I got the good news that my tests came back negative I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. After having such a scare, I came to realize that my life could have been cut short. Now that may be pushing it but in my eyes I was frightened. I was frightened that I hadn't finished all the Harry Potter books (don't judge me), frightened that I hadn't traveled or been outside the U.S., frightened that I haven't achieved my dream job yet, frightened that I wasn't doing what I loved, frightened that I was living in a dazed cloud-like state that made my mind numb and I was just living life as a potato. But then I remember a phrase my mom said to me when she found out she was sick:
"It is what it is"
You can't stop things that have happened, you can't go back and turn things around, there is nothing you did wrong though... it is what it is and there's nothing you can do about it. So live your life. Travel, get that dream job... what's stopping you? Laziness? What happens if you get that scare that I did and it doesn't turn out so happy? Have you finished those Harry Potter books? Have you created everything you wanted to create? Have you touched other's lives like you wanted?
Nothing is stopping you from doing these things except yourself... nothing.
So get out there and do it... do everything.